Illumination

My child is strong, smart, driven, funny, and his smile melts my heart. As I remind him he is my "gift from God", he lights up with pride. He knows my unconditional love and acceptance of who he is....he loves this, he needs this, he deserves this. I deserve to see him through eyes of positivity and possibilities. He is my hero.

Today, I followed the rules. I tore away the curtain on his private suffering as an outsider in his own life story. Today, I publicly illuminated every problem in my own child. I exposed every weakness, every challenge, every isolating detail of my beautiful child. With heartbreaking clarity and detail, my words of limitations and inabilities painted his portrait in the room. Still, I feared he might be sent to a world beyond his coping abilities. He felt so very small and frail to me as I imagined him dropped into a whirlwind of lights, sounds and motion. So, I turned the spotlight harshly on each true incapacity, as I spilled the rest of his dignity to the ground. I.E.P. Individualized Educational Plan, had become Illuminate Every Problem. I complied in the name of accessing that which is essential to my son. I felt disloyal having reduced his image to a list of the difficulties that he has to manage everyday. I tried not to hear myself.

No parent should ever persuade others to see how poorly equipped their child is to access common pleasures of a typical day at school. I am sitting on a campus of thousands of children and I wonder sadly, who would fight to have their child excluded? I just did.

I have fought for services, placements and support in these Individual Educational Plan meetings(I.E.P.). My worst fears openly bleed out as I (I)lluminate (E)very (P)roblem hoping for help to ease my child's struggles, by speaking truths that leave me so heavy hearted. I grieve anew for my child after such I.E.P. meetings...momentarily overwhelmed by the chasm between what could have been, and what is. I sit in my car and watch typical scenes, at a typical school, with its typical kids.

Then, I remember my role, I reclaim my son as a gift to this world. Afterall, I bet not one of those"typical" kids ever noticed the leaf of a plant in their school is the exact same size as their hand. My role is Illuminating Every Possibility. I've done all I can with the system in place and I have been of service to my child. Tomorrow the system might change but, today my perspective remains, my son is exceptional and unique...lucky me!